{"id":7586,"date":"2019-01-02T23:09:38","date_gmt":"2019-01-02T23:09:38","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/revistakuvendi.org\/?p=7586"},"modified":"2019-01-02T23:36:52","modified_gmt":"2019-01-02T23:36:52","slug":"30-vjece-dhe-akoma-nuk-je-martuar","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/revistakuvendi.org\/?p=7586","title":{"rendered":"30 vje\u00e7e dhe akoma nuk je martuar?"},"content":{"rendered":"<p><a href=\"http:\/\/revistakuvendi.org\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/02\/BLERTA-HAXHIAJ.png\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"alignleft size-full wp-image-7190\" src=\"http:\/\/revistakuvendi.org\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/02\/BLERTA-HAXHIAJ.png\" alt=\"\" width=\"246\" height=\"157\" \/><\/a>Nga Blerta Haxhiaj<\/p>\n<p>T\u00eb jesh beqar\/e n\u00eb t\u00eb \u201830 e tua dhe akoma nuk je martuar, nuk ke krijuar familje, nuk \u00ebsht\u00eb nj\u00eb fat i keq q\u00eb t\u00eb ndjek nga pas por \u00ebsht\u00eb nj\u00eb fenomen global. Periudha e thyerjes<!--more--> s\u00eb subkultur\u00ebs dhe traditave gjithmon\u00eb \u00ebsht\u00eb dhe do t\u00eb jet\u00eb nj\u00eb relativitet n\u00eb vete q\u00eb k\u00ebrkon koh\u00eb dhe merr koh\u00eb t\u00eb gjat\u00eb. N\u00eb nj\u00eb vend ku martesa shikohet si nj\u00eb status definitiv p\u00ebr rolin e femres n\u00eb shoq\u00ebri dhe ajo kalon t\u00eb 30 &#8211; 40 e saj ku cil\u00ebsohet si nj\u00eb e \u2018mbetur n\u00eb der\u00eb\u2019, ato femra nuk jan\u00eb martuar m\u00eb, apo femrat e reja shprehin d\u00ebshir\u00ebn p\u00ebr arsimimin e duhur dhe t\u00eb zhvillojn\u00eb karrieren e tyre p\u00ebrpara se t\u00eb krijojn\u00eb familje apo t\u00eb lindin f\u00ebmij\u00eb! Hulumtuesja Nancy Smith-Hefner identifikon disa probleme q\u00eb p\u00ebrballen ato q\u00eb ndjekin k\u00ebt\u00eb rrug\u00eb. Femrat e reja p\u00ebrpiqen t\u00eb p\u00ebrshtaten aq shum\u00eb n\u00eb dritare t\u00eb vogla oportuniteti mund\u00ebsisht q\u00eb ndonj\u00ebher\u00eb duket e pamundur. Duke u p\u00ebrqendruar n\u00eb arsimimin dhe duke punuar shum\u00eb, ato p\u00ebrfunduan duke pyetur se si t\u00eb gjejn\u00eb nj\u00eb partner me t\u00eb cilin t\u00eb krijojn\u00eb nj\u00eb familje. Ndonj\u00ebher\u00eb, kjo gjendje vazhdon duke u b\u00ebr\u00eb burim i stresit dhe zhg\u00ebnjimit. Pyetja m\u00eb e shpesht\u00eb q\u00eb drejtohet \u00ebsht\u00eb A jam vet\u00ebm un\u00eb? N\u00eb fakt nuk jan\u00eb vet\u00ebm ato. Njer\u00ebzi jan\u00eb duke p\u00ebrjetuar fenomenin q\u00eb ka p\u00ebrfshir\u00eb t\u00ebr\u00eb globin nga Brooklyn n\u00eb Paris, Rwanda n\u00eb Japoni. Ky fenomen quhet \u2018pritja\u2019 dhe kjo mund t\u00eb \u00e7oj\u00eb n\u00eb nj\u00eb ndryshim thelb\u00ebsor n\u00eb m\u00ebnyr\u00ebn se si mendojm\u00eb p\u00ebr dashurin\u00eb dhe partneritetin. Smith-Hefner, nj\u00eb profesoresh\u00eb e asociuar e antropologjis\u00eb n\u00eb Universitetin e Bostonit, ka studiuar p\u00ebr vite me radh\u00eb shoq\u00ebrit\u00eb aziatike, por kur ajo filloi t\u00eb shoh\u00eb paralele t\u00eb qarta nd\u00ebrmjet indonezian\u00ebve t\u00eb rinj t\u00eb cil\u00ebt ishin subjekt i hulumtimit t\u00eb saj dhe student\u00ebt e saj t\u00eb rinj amerikan\u00eb n\u00eb sht\u00ebpi. &#8220;Ata gjithashtu po p\u00ebrballen me k\u00ebt\u00eb problem se si t\u00eb gjejn\u00eb nj\u00eb partner,&#8221; tha ajo. Si nj\u00eb trend q\u00eb po rritet n\u00eb rastin e till\u00eb termi \u2018\u00e7adra\u2019 mund t\u00eb asocohet me pritjen, ajo referohet mund t&#8217;u drejtohet shtyrjes s\u00eb vendimeve t\u00eb r\u00ebnd\u00ebsishme, t\u00eb tilla si largimi nga sht\u00ebpia e prind\u00ebrve ose marrja e p\u00ebrgjegj\u00ebsive t\u00eb mosh\u00ebs madhore, q\u00eb p\u00ebr meshkujt n\u00eb shoq\u00ebrin\u00eb ton\u00eb kjo \u00ebsht\u00eb shum\u00eb e pranueshme por p\u00ebr gjinin\u00eb fem\u00ebrore kjo \u00ebsht\u00eb akoma n\u00eb tranzicion e sip\u00ebr sepse nj\u00eb fem\u00ebr mund t\u00eb l\u00ebr\u00eb sht\u00ebpin\u00eb e prind\u00ebrve p\u00ebrgjithmon\u00eb at\u00ebher\u00eb kur martohet. Nj\u00eb nga trendet globale \u00ebsht\u00eb dhe pritja apo rritja e mosh\u00ebs p\u00ebr martes\u00eb sidomos n\u00eb shtresat e arsimuara, edukuara ku specifikisht dallohen femrat, dhe nga t\u00eb dh\u00ebnat e fundit ky trend \u00ebsht\u00eb shfaqur edhe n\u00eb Jordani, Kine, US, R\u00ebanda, Guatemala etj. Diane Singerman, e bashkon termin e \u2018pritjes\u2019 te t\u00eb dy gjinit\u00eb dhe themelet ekonomike, ku p\u00ebrshembull n\u00eb Egjipt, martesa \u00ebsht\u00eb shum\u00eb shpenzuese p\u00ebr t\u00eb rinjt\u00eb q\u00eb ta p\u00ebrballojn\u00eb ata apo ta menaxhojn\u00eb nd\u00ebrkohe q\u00eb t\u00eb kesh f\u00ebmij\u00eb jasht\u00eb aktit martesor p\u00ebr ta \u00ebsht\u00eb nj\u00eb gj\u00eb q\u00eb nuk arrijn\u00eb ta konceptojn\u00eb. Kjo lloj pritje mund t\u00eb godas\u00eb shum\u00eb r\u00ebnd\u00eb meshkujt, Emigrimi, shkalla e lart\u00eb e papun\u00ebsis\u00eb dhe paga t\u00eb ul\u00ebta kombinohen p\u00ebr t\u00eb mbajtur njer\u00ebzit larg nga marr\u00ebdh\u00ebniet e tilla pra fillimi i familjes. Edhe n\u00eb vendet ku \u00ebsht\u00eb e mundur t\u00eb b\u00ebhet nj\u00eb prind pa nj\u00eb martes\u00eb t\u00eb shtrenjt\u00eb, normat e lindshm\u00ebris\u00eb po bien, duke p\u00ebrmendur Greqin\u00eb, Spanj\u00ebn dhe Franc\u00ebn se si t\u00eb p\u00ebrballet me problemet e pjelloris\u00eb q\u00eb lidhen me mosh\u00ebn, pjes\u00ebrisht p\u00ebr shkak se t\u00eb rinjt\u00eb nuk mund t\u00eb p\u00ebrballojn\u00eb p\u00ebrgjegj\u00ebsit\u00eb e mosh\u00ebs madhore, si vendin e tyre p\u00ebr t\u00eb jetuar. P\u00ebr shkaqe t\u00eb tilla t\u00eb rinjt\u00eb, femrat e meshkujt e shtyjn\u00eb aktin e martes\u00ebs si shkak q\u00eb po shfaqet si trend global. Por nuk \u00ebsht\u00eb vet\u00ebm edukimi universitar q\u00eb po i b\u00ebjn\u00eb femrat t\u00eb presin. Nj\u00eb studim i koh\u00ebve t\u00eb fundit i shum\u00eb vendeve nga Afrika sub-sahariane zbuloi se edhe kur vet\u00eb femrat q\u00eb nuk kishin marr\u00eb m\u00eb shum\u00eb se arsimi formal, ato kishin gjasa t\u00eb vononin martes\u00ebn n\u00ebse femrat e arsimuara rreth tyre po e aplikonin k\u00ebt\u00eb. Shum\u00eb prej k\u00ebtyre femrave nuk presin deri n\u00eb mosh\u00ebn 30-vje\u00e7are; por ato po shtyjn\u00eb p\u00ebrs\u00ebri kund\u00ebr modelit tradicional t\u00eb martes\u00ebs n\u00eb adoleshenc\u00eb, (q\u00eb bie nd\u00eb ndesh me t\u00eb drejtat e njeriut) duke dashur q\u00eb n\u00eb vend t\u00eb k\u00ebsaj t\u00eb fitojn\u00eb nj\u00eb p\u00ebrvoj\u00eb jet\u00ebsore s\u00eb pari. (shum\u00eb morale dhe etike). P\u00ebr grat\u00eb, ndryshimi i sjelljeve dhe imperativi biologjik e d\u00ebrgon at\u00eb n\u00eb nj\u00eb debalancim material, i cili tenton t\u00eb ndihet pasi t\u00eb jen\u00eb gati t\u00eb fillojn\u00eb nj\u00eb familje dhe nuk munden. Kjo \u00ebsht\u00eb t\u00eb pakt\u00ebn pjes\u00ebrisht p\u00ebr shkak t\u00eb disa pritjeve dhe sjelljeve q\u00eb nuk po ndryshojn\u00eb. N\u00ebse duhet zgjedhur nj\u00eb mashkull p\u00ebr bashk\u00ebshort n\u00eb vendet e varf\u00ebta apo aty ku niveli ekonomik \u00ebsht\u00eb shum\u00eb posht\u00eb standarteve normale t\u00eb jet\u00ebs\u00ebs at\u00ebhere bashk\u00ebshorti shihet si nj\u00eb bankomat. Kjo nuk \u00ebsht\u00eb domosdoshm\u00ebrisht e drejt\u00eb, por \u00ebsht\u00eb thell\u00ebsisht e rr\u00ebnjosur, e lidhur me idet\u00eb tradicionale t\u00eb maskulinitetit, duke siguruar nj\u00eb familje dhe duke e mbrojtur at\u00eb, q\u00eb \u00ebsht\u00eb e v\u00ebshtir\u00eb ta mir\u00ebmbash at\u00eb. N\u00ebse zgjedhja, aksidentalisht (q\u00eb aksidenti nuk ekziston sepse raporti shkak-pasoje \u00ebsht\u00eb i vendosur dhe thjeshte ndiqet nj\u00eb linj\u00eb veprimi) ose nj\u00eb kombinim i dyjave, femrat gjithnj\u00eb e m\u00eb t\u00eb arsimuara dhe ambicioze po gjejn\u00eb veten t\u00eb paaft\u00eb p\u00ebr t\u00eb gjetur bashk\u00ebshortin q\u00eb duan n\u00eb koh\u00ebn q\u00eb po k\u00ebrkojn\u00eb. Nuk \u00ebsht\u00eb p\u00ebr shkak t\u00eb munges\u00ebs s\u00eb p\u00ebrpjekjes, llojet e burrave q\u00eb po k\u00ebrkojn\u00eb-t\u00eb disponueshem p\u00ebr t&#8217;u nisur n\u00eb jet\u00ebn familjare, t\u00eb gatshme p\u00ebr t\u00eb kryer, dhe me nivele t\u00eb ngjashme t\u00eb arsimit dhe ambicjes &#8211; thjesht nuk jan\u00eb atje aq sa jan\u00eb t\u00eb nevojsh\u00ebm. Femrat, at\u00eb q\u00eb po b\u00ebjn\u00eb p\u00ebrball\u00eb pabarazis\u00eb, n\u00eb t\u00eb shumt\u00ebn e rasteve po b\u00ebjn\u00eb at\u00eb \u00e7ka munden. Tashm\u00eb m\u00eb avancimin e teknologjis\u00eb \u00ebsht\u00eb shum\u00eb m\u00eb e leht\u00eb t\u00eb caktosh nj\u00eb takim se sa n\u00eb vitet e kaluara. Por nj\u00eb zgjidhje m\u00eb e madhe p\u00ebr k\u00ebt\u00eb \u00e7\u00ebshtje mund t\u00eb jet\u00eb nj\u00eb ndryshim paradigme, q\u00eb e sugjerojn\u00eb akademik\u00ebt. T\u00eb dy gjinit\u00eb grat\u00eb dhe burrat mund t\u00eb ken\u00eb nevoj\u00eb t\u00eb fillojn\u00eb t\u00eb mendojn\u00eb me t\u00eb v\u00ebrtet\u00eb ndryshe n\u00eb lidhje me rolet gjinore dhe at\u00eb q\u00eb ata duan nga nj\u00eb martes\u00eb. Nj\u00eb zgjidhje e qart\u00eb \u00ebsht\u00eb p\u00ebr femrat, meshkujt dhe shoq\u00ebrit\u00eb p\u00ebrreth tyre (duke p\u00ebrfshir\u00eb figurat me ndikim si prind\u00ebrit) q\u00eb t\u00eb pranojn\u00eb iden\u00eb e grave q\u00eb t\u00eb b\u00ebhen shtylla kryesore e familjes p\u00ebr familjet, tha Smith-Hefner. Nj\u00eb ndryshim i till\u00eb mund t\u00eb p\u00ebrfshij\u00eb grat\u00eb q\u00eb martohen me burra q\u00eb jan\u00eb m\u00eb t\u00eb rinj se ata. N\u00eb m\u00ebnyr\u00eb q\u00eb kjo t\u00eb funksionoj\u00eb, shoq\u00ebrit\u00eb do t\u00eb duhet t\u00eb kap\u00ebrcejn\u00eb paragjykimet e tyre por sigurisht, ka probleme t\u00eb tjera sesa gjykimi shoq\u00ebror. Njer\u00ebzit shtypen p\u00ebr nj\u00eb num\u00ebr t\u00eb madh arsyesh, dhe \u00ebsht\u00eb shum\u00eb e v\u00ebshtir\u00eb t\u00eb ndryshosh se kush \u00ebsht\u00eb t\u00ebrhequr thjesht nga p\u00ebrpjekja e vullnetit. Pra pritja mund t\u00eb shfaqet si shum\u00eb e zakonshme n\u00eb nj\u00eb vend ku femrat dhe nganj\u00ebher\u00eb njer\u00ebzit e v\u00ebn\u00eb faz\u00ebn e ardhshme t\u00eb jet\u00ebs s\u00eb tyre n\u00eb pritje sepse ata nuk jan\u00eb n\u00eb gjendje t\u00eb gjejn\u00eb partnerin q\u00eb ata duan ose mbahen nga detyrimet financiare. Martesa formale nuk \u00ebsht\u00eb struktura e vetme n\u00eb t\u00eb cil\u00ebn mund t\u00eb kesh nj\u00eb familje dhe njer\u00ebzit me siguri po eksperimentojn\u00eb me m\u00ebnyra t\u00eb tjera p\u00ebr t\u00eb p\u00ebrparuar n\u00eb faz\u00ebn e ardhshme t\u00eb jet\u00ebs, duke p\u00ebrfshir\u00eb zgjedhjen e tyre q\u00eb mos t\u00eb ken\u00eb f\u00ebmij\u00ebve, ose duke pasur dhe ngritur ato n\u00eb kontekste m\u00eb pak tradicionale. Nj\u00eb gj\u00eb q\u00eb bie shume ndesh ne kultur\u00eb ton\u00eb shqiptare edhe pse shum\u00eb f\u00ebmije po rriten nga nenat beqare apo me prind\u00ebr t\u00eb divorcuar ose bir\u00ebsimi. Por shum\u00eb njer\u00ebz duan, n\u00ebse jo martesa, t\u00eb pakt\u00ebn &#8220;nj\u00eb partner riprodhues monogam shum\u00eb i sigurt dhe shum\u00eb i p\u00ebrkushtuar&#8221; para se t\u00eb sjellin f\u00ebmij\u00eb n\u00eb bot\u00eb, thot\u00eb Inhorn &#8211; &#8220;Derisa kjo ide t\u00eb ndryshoj\u00eb, dhe derisa njer\u00ebzit t\u00eb ndihen m\u00eb t\u00eb sigurt t\u00eb jen\u00eb prind\u00ebr t\u00eb vet\u00ebm &#8230; Un\u00eb thjesht mendoj se kjo \u00e7\u00ebshtje do t\u00eb jet\u00eb nj\u00eb \u00e7\u00ebshtje globale&#8221;. Sipas t\u00eb dh\u00ebnave t\u00eb INSTAT &#8211; zhvendosja drejt mosh\u00ebs m\u00eb t\u00eb vjet\u00ebr p\u00ebr martes\u00eb konfirmohet edhe nga llogaritjet e mesatareve t\u00eb mosh\u00ebs p\u00ebr martes\u00eb. Informacioni i bazuar mbi statistikat vitale p\u00ebr mosh\u00ebn mesatare n\u00eb martes\u00eb tregon nj\u00eb rritje nga 28,5 n\u00eb vitin 2006 n\u00eb 30,4 vje\u00e7 n\u00eb vitin 2016 p\u00ebr meshkujt si dhe nga 23,1 n\u00eb 25,1 vje\u00e7 p\u00ebr femrat. Kjo rritje \u00ebsht\u00eb e dukshme p\u00ebr t\u00eb dyja gjinit\u00eb. Shtyrja e mosh\u00ebs p\u00ebr mart\u00ebs\u00eb nuk \u00ebsht\u00eb fakt i keq apo syri i keq \u00ebsht\u00eb thjesht\u00eb nj\u00eb fenomen Global. Kush mund ta ndryshoj\u00eb at\u00eb? Vet\u00eb njeriu!<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Nga Blerta Haxhiaj T\u00eb jesh beqar\/e n\u00eb t\u00eb \u201830 e tua dhe akoma nuk je martuar, nuk ke krijuar familje, nuk \u00ebsht\u00eb nj\u00eb fat i keq q\u00eb t\u00eb ndjek nga pas por \u00ebsht\u00eb nj\u00eb fenomen global. Periudha e thyerjes<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":7190,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[5],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-7586","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-letersi"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/revistakuvendi.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/7586","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/revistakuvendi.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/revistakuvendi.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/revistakuvendi.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/revistakuvendi.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=7586"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/revistakuvendi.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/7586\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":7587,"href":"https:\/\/revistakuvendi.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/7586\/revisions\/7587"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/revistakuvendi.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/media\/7190"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/revistakuvendi.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=7586"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/revistakuvendi.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=7586"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/revistakuvendi.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=7586"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}